Introduction
So you’ve moved to a new city where you don’t know a soul. It’s a weird mix of excitement and isolation, right? One day you’re surrounded by buddies; the next, you’re solo on the couch on a Friday night. Most guys struggle to make new friends after a big move – it’s totally normal. We’re not in college anymore where making friends was as easy as plopping down next to someone in the dining hall.
The truth is, building a strong social circle as an adult is work. But it’s worth it. Your social life influences everything – fun weekends, your dating prospects, even career opportunities through networking. A solid crew in your new city means you have people to hit the bars with, teammates for pickup basketball, or just friends to chill and watch the game. It turns an isolating city into your personal playground.
Before we dive in, let’s bust a few misconceptions about making friends as an adult. First, some people think it should just “happen naturally” like it did in school. Wrong – as an adult you have to put yourself out there deliberately. In fact, research shows that people who believe friendship takes effort are the ones who actually go out, meet others, and end up making friends
Second, you might assume everyone already has their friend groups by age 25 or 30. Also wrong. So many guys are in the same boat, especially in a transient city – they’re open to new friends if you take the initiative. Finally, don’t buy the lie that it’s “weird” or desperate to actively seek friends. What’s actually weird is sitting at home expecting a social life to magically appear. Being proactive is the norm for adult friendships.
Biggest Mistakes Guys Make When Trying to Make Friends
Let’s start by calling out some common mistakes. If you’ve tried to socialize and it’s not clicking, chances are one of these is tripping you up:
Expecting friendships to happen naturally (with zero effort):
A lot of guys move somewhere new and assume they’ll “eventually” make friends somehow. Then months go by and nothing changes. Reality check: you must put in effort. Treat building friendships like you treated dating or job hunting – be active. Don’t just wait for coworkers or neighbors to invite you out. If you’re passive, you might end up alone for a long time. Friendships as an adult aren’t automatic like in school; you have to spark them yourself.
Relying only on coworkers for socializing:
Sure, grabbing beers with coworkers is cool, but don’t limit your circle to the office. Maybe you’ll click with that one guy on your team who also loves hiking – great. But don’t make work your only social outlet. If you change jobs or your coworkers are all married with kids (and not available to hang out), you’re out of luck. Expand beyond the workplace so all your friends aren’t just people from accounting.
Separating “meeting women” from “making friends”:
Some dudes think of social life in two buckets – meeting guys (for friendship) and meeting girls (for dating) as totally separate missions. Hint: it’s all connected. If you focus on building an awesome social circle overall, you’ll meet women through friends and group events naturally. Likewise, meeting women can lead to meeting more friends. Don’t compartmentalize your social efforts. For example, if you go to a party to meet women, be friendly with the other guys there too – you might find a new wingman or gym buddy. A healthy social circle often includes both male and female friends, and they each introduce you to more people.
Sticking to the same routines (and staying in your comfort zone):
Humans are creatures of habit – but doing the same solo activities every day won’t magically produce new buddies. Going to the same grocery store, gym with your headphones on, and then binge-watching Netflix at home isn’t helping. If you’re not meeting new people, change something! Break out of your routine. Try a new café and strike up chat with the barista, or say yes when someone invites you out – even if it’s something you wouldn’t normally do. Being social often means embracing a little discomfort and new experiences.
Coming off as too needy or desperate:
This one’s more about vibe. It’s great to be eager, but if you immediately act like someone’s new best friend or you’re texting a guy you just met every day to hang out, it can be off-putting. People can sense when someone is overly needy. Just like in dating, you want an abundance mindset – act like a guy who has a full life (even if you’re still working on it) rather than clinging onto the first person who shows you basic friendliness. Don’t worry, we’ll talk more about the right energy to have.
Now that you know what not to do, let’s get into a game plan that actually works. Grab a beer (or a protein shake) and let’s map out how you’re going to turn this new city into your personal network.
Step-by-Step Guide to Building a Social Circle from Scratch
Making friends isn’t an overnight thing, but if you follow these steps, you’ll build momentum faster than you think. Here’s a blueprint many guys (myself included) have used successfully:
Step 1: Get Your Social Foundations Right
Before you worry about where to meet people, set yourself up for success socially. Think of it as leveling up you, so that when you do put yourself out there, people naturally want to connect.
Focus on being socially attractive:
No, this isn’t about having model looks or being Mr. Charming. It’s about basic self-improvement that pays off in social settings. Hit the gym (you’ll look and feel better, and likely meet people while you’re at it). Dress in a style that makes you confident and approachable – if you’ve been rocking nerdy graphic tees since college, maybe upgrade to a fitted solid tee or a casual button-down that shows you put in a bit of effort. Work on your body language: stand up straight, speak clearly, and smile. Confidence is key; people are drawn to those who are comfortable with themselves. If you feel a bit shy, remember that confidence grows with practice. The more you get out there, the easier it gets.
Treat it like a numbers game:
This is huge. When you move somewhere new, you might click with the first person you meet… or it might be the 31st. Don’t take it personally if you hang out with someone and you’re not instant bros, or if you chat up a group and they don’t invite you to the next hangout. Making friends is partly a numbers game – the more people you meet, the greater the odds you’ll find a few good dudes you truly vibe with. Think of every social interaction as a small “rep”. Just like lifting, those reps build strength over time. You can literally make a spreadsheet of all the local meetups you can find and then attend something almost every day. Extreme? Maybe – but it worked because it maximizes your exposure. You don’t need a spreadsheet, but do make it a goal to put yourself in lots of social situations. Quantity will eventually lead to quality.
Be the kind of person you’d want to be friends with:
Cheesy as it sounds, it helps. Are you comfortable with yourself? Do you have hobbies or interests you can share? If not, now’s a good time to start developing that. People with passions – whether it’s music, martial arts, cooking, whatever – are more interesting and magnetic. Also, check your attitude: positivity and good vibes go a long way. Nobody’s saying you have to be a clown or fake, but basic friendliness, curiosity about others, and a sense of humor make people think “hey, I’d hang out with this guy again.”
Once your foundation is set (or at least in progress), it’s time to find the right hunting grounds – places that naturally lead to meeting people.
Step 2: Choose the Right Environments
Not all places are equal when it comes to making new friends. You want high-social environments – spots where people are open to chatting and bonding. Here are a few gold mines for expanding your social circle in a new city:
Gym Culture (especially Martial Arts, CrossFit, Group Classes):
Gyms aren’t just for gains; they’re for friends. But not every gym is equal. Martial arts gyms (like Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu or Muay Thai academies) and CrossFit boxes tend to have built-in camaraderie. You’re literally sweating and suffering together, which forges strong bonds. Don’t worry if you’re a beginner – that actually helps, because people will want to guide you. Regular fitness centers can work too, especially if they offer group classes or a culture of regulars who chat. A tip if you go to a traditional gym: go around the same time consistently and be friendly. Over a few weeks, you’ll start recognizing familiar faces. Say what’s up, maybe ask the guy in the squat rack how long he’s been lifting, or compliment someone’s cool sneakers. Little conversations can turn into friendships. The key is to pick a social gym and show up often. Pretty soon, you’ll have “gym bros” who might become real bros outside the gym.
Co-Working Spaces & Entrepreneur Meetups:
If you work remotely or are self-employed, co-working spaces are clutch for meeting ambitious, like-minded people. Places like WeWork or local co-working hubs often host happy hours, networking events, or at least have common lounges where you can strike up small talk (“Hey man, what kind of work do you do?” goes a long way). The advantage here is everyone is kinda open to networking by default. You might meet a cool startup guy who invites you to a tech meetup or a freelancer who knows the best local coffee shops. Speaking of meetups – look for entrepreneur or industry meetups in your city. Check Meetup.com, Facebook groups, or LinkedIn events for young professional groups, tech talks, marketing meetups, etc. You’ll meet other motivated guys (and girls) who are also looking to connect. Bonus: these connections can double as career networking. Some of my good friends in new cities came from simply attending a weekly entrepreneurs’ breakfast and chatting over coffee. The vibe is chill and you already have something in common to talk about (your projects or businesses).
Hobby Groups & Classes (Sports leagues, Dance, Improv, etc.):
One of the easiest ways to make friends is to bond over a shared hobby. New city = perfect time to dive into that thing you’ve been meaning to try. Join a local sports league (flag football, soccer, basketball, dodgeball – whatever you’re into). Teams usually go out for drinks after games, and you’ll quickly develop that teammates chemistry. Or try a dance class – salsa, swing, hip-hop – it’s not only a fun way to meet women, but you’ll also meet other guys there learning and practicing. The class environment gives you an excuse to chat (“Man, I keep stepping on her toes, how are you getting this move down?”). Improv comedy classes deserve a special mention: tons of people swear that improv is a social cheat code. You’re literally being goofy and vulnerable in front of each other, which forges really tight friendships. Don’t worry about being good at it – it’s about having fun and laughing together. Many improv groups go for beers after class, which is where friendships solidify. Whatever hobby or class you choose, the formula is the same: you see the same people regularly (weekly class or practice), you bond over a common interest, and you have built-in stuff to talk about. It’s like friendship on training wheels. So think about your interests – or something new you want to learn – and sign up. Consistency is key: keep showing up each week, and in a month or two you’ll likely have a crew from that alone.
Nightlife & Bars (Solo adventures vs. wingman missions):
We can’t talk social life without mentioning going out at night. Hitting bars, lounges, or clubs can definitely lead to new friends if you do it right. Going out solo is a bold move but can work. The trick is to choose venues that are social. A lively sports bar or a pub with communal tables is easier to chat up strangers than a nightclub where everyone sticks to their clique. If you’re solo, plant yourself at the bar counter. Chat up the bartender (bartenders are friendly, and other people might join the convo), or comment on the game on TV to the guy next to you. Even better, attend bar events like trivia night, open mic, or karaoke – built-in conversation starters and a team vibe. That said, rolling solo to bars isn’t for everyone. Having a wingman – even one buddy – makes it 10x easier. If you don’t know anyone yet, consider using an app or forum to find a like-minded wingman (more on that in a bit). When you go out with a wing, you two can chat and hype each other up, which naturally attracts others to join the conversation. Also, pick the right spots: find bars that fit your vibe (dive bar, upscale lounge, live music joint, etc.) and where people around your age hang out. Become a regular at a bar you like. If the staff recognize you and you start to see familiar faces, it’s easy to strike up, “Hey, I’ve seen you here a couple times, I’m [Name].” Over time, those bar regulars can become friends you look forward to seeing. The bottom line: nightlife can be great for meeting folks, just don’t only go to get drunk or hit on girls – go with the mindset of talking to everyone and making connections. Some of my solid friendships started by randomly chatting with a group at a bar about a UFC fight on TV or offering a cheers to some guys celebrating a birthday. Be open, be friendly, and see where the night takes you.
Pro Tip:
Leverage online communities to find these in-person opportunities. Subreddits for your city (like r/NYCsocial or whatever) often have meetup threads. Apps like Meetup (obviously), Bumble BFF, or local Facebook events can clue you in to gatherings. The idea is to put yourself out there in multiple environments. Don’t just pick one – try a mix: join a gym, attend a weekly meetup, and go out on weekends. You’ll have different circles forming, which is perfect because eventually you can merge circles (invite cool people from the gym to that party you heard about at the co-working space, etc.). That’s when your social life really starts popping.
Step 3: The Right Way to Network & Build Friendships
Now you’re meeting lots of people – great. But how do you turn those acquaintances into actual friends? This step is all about your approach to connecting and following up:
Find like-minded guys and make a connection:
When you’re at these various events or activities, keep an eye out for people you genuinely click with. Not every person will become your BFF (remember the numbers game). But you’ll notice a few who share your sense of humor, interests, or overall vibe. Maybe it’s the dude at the basketball league who also loves retro sneakers, or a guy in your coding meetup who has the same sarcastic wit. When you meet someone cool, don’t be afraid to signal that you’re down to hang out. It can be as simple as, “Yo, I’m new in town and it’s awesome to meet another hockey fan. We should catch a game sometime.” This doesn’t come off as weird – it’s normal. You have to sort of court new friends, like dating but more bromantic. If the feeling is mutual, grab their number or add them on Instagram. Pro move: mention something specific when you do – “Shoot me your info, I’ll hit you up next time I find a good taco spot – I know you’re on the hunt for the best al pastor.” That way they know you’re serious about meeting up again.
Offer value and be a good friend first:
Here’s a big secret – if you want people to want to be your friend, bring something to the table. I don’t mean buying them stuff; I mean value in a social sense. Maybe you’re the guy who’s always got funny stories or jokes (entertainment value). Or you have a pickup truck and can help someone move (useful value). Or you know the city well and can show newcomers the cool spots (guide value). It could be as simple as offering genuine compliments and positivity, or introducing two people who might hit it off. Essentially, don’t approach friendship with just “what can I get?” – also think “what can I give?”. An expert in psychology actually noted that a common mistake is focusing on your own needs over the other person’s; instead, figure out what would be rewarding for them to have you as a friend. In practice, this means listen to what people share and take interest. If your new acquaintance mentions he’s into rock climbing and you’re into it too, invite him on a climbing outing you plan. If he says he’s been dying to see the new Marvel movie, offer to go together next weekend. Small acts of initiative like that show you’re not just looking for a friend – you’re looking to be a friend. Also, be reliable. If you make plans, follow through. Be the guy who shows up when you say you will. Over time, these gestures build trust and reciprocity. People start inviting you out in return, introducing you to others, etc. It becomes a virtuous cycle.
Host small gatherings and blend friend groups:
One of the fastest ways to solidify friendships is to take the lead and host something. You don’t need a fancy house or a big occasion. Something simple like inviting a few guys you’ve met over to your place for beers and a UFC fight, or hosting a Sunday football watch party, works great. If your place is tiny, suggest an outing – “Hey, I’m gonna check out this new brewery on Saturday, you guys down?” Starting small is key; you’re not throwing a huge party solo (though you can eventually). By hosting or organizing, you become the connector. People appreciate the invite, and it elevates casual acquaintances into more personal territory. Also, don’t hesitate to mix different friends you meet. For example, invite that cool coworker you befriended and that dude from your soccer league to the same hangout. You are the common link, and bringing folks together is a power move socially – it builds your own circle and people often reciprocate by including you in other things. I’ve done this many times: I’d gather two or three guys from different places who I thought would get along, and next thing you know we’ve got a little crew. Someone might bring their roommate or another friend, and the circle grows organically. Hosting shows leadership and confidence, and it often sets you up as a social hub. Just make sure whatever you plan is chill and low-pressure (group dinners, game nights, casual bar meetups, etc., rather than something super elaborate).
Be patient but persistent:
Friendship isn’t instant. You might hang out with someone once and not feel like lifelong pals yet – that’s okay. Keep showing up to group activities and say yes to invites when you can. It takes a few meetups before you feel truly comfortable. Don’t get discouraged if after a month you still only have loose connections. Keep nurturing them. Follow up with people – shoot a text like “Yo, how’s your week going?” or send them a meme related to an inside joke you have. That keeps the rapport going. There’s a concept in networking called the “ping” – just little pings to stay on someone’s radar. Do that with potential friends occasionally. At the same time, don’t force it if it’s not clicking. You’ll naturally vibe more with some people than others. Focus energy on those connections that show promise. If one guy always flakes or seems disinterested, no worries – move on, there are plenty of other people. Remember the abundance mindset: act as if you have plenty of social options (even if you’re building them up). This prevents that clingy vibe and ironically makes you more attractive as a friend. People tend to gravitate to those who are socially fulfilled and positive.
Step 4: The Social Momentum Effect
Here’s the beautiful thing: once you get a bit of a social circle going, social momentum kicks in. Making new connections becomes a lot easier, almost effortless. Why? Because of something called social proof. When you’re out and about with friends, or even just mention to new acquaintances that you’ve got plans or other buddies, it subconsciously signals that you’re a likable, fun person. It’s like how seeing a busy restaurant makes others want to eat there. People who see you already have friends will trust you more and be more open to hanging out.
Leverage this momentum. For instance, if you become friends with just one or two cool guys, join their friend groups for outings. Suddenly you’ve got an extended circle. And as your circle grows, you’ll encounter more and more new people through introductions. It’s a compounding effect – your friend’s friends can become your friends, and so on. In a few months, you might go from zero to knowing dozens of people just by virtue of plugging into a few small circles.
A big part of maintaining this positive trajectory is keeping the right energy. Remember not to get complacent – continue to be welcoming and open to new folks. Don’t close off just because you’ve found a couple buddies. The goal is a strong social circle, which usually means a diverse network of friends, acquaintances, and activity partners. Some will be closer friends, some more casual – that’s fine. Embrace them all.
Also, remain genuine. As you get more connected, stay true to yourself and treat people well. Avoid gossip or cliques; be the guy who can float among different groups and bring good vibes everywhere. This reputation will make people want you around.
And crucially, drop any remaining “needy” energy. Now that you have some social life going, you can be more selective. If you feel someone is negative or not a good fit, you don’t have to invest in that friendship. Focus on quality connections that add to your life. When you’re not desperate, you naturally become more magnetic. It’s ironic: the less you need new friends, the more easily you’ll make them. That’s the abundance mindset in action – you’re content, and open to more, but not chasing or forcing.
Finally, appreciate the journey. One day you’ll look around at a party or group hang and realize, “Damn, I actually built this social life from scratch.” That feeling is awesome. It’s empowering knowing you can move anywhere and create a community around you with a bit of effort and courage.
Bonus: Integrating Dating & Socializing
Let’s talk about the overlap between making friends and dating, especially since many guys moving to a new city are also interested in meeting women. Here’s the thing: your social circle and your dating life should complement each other, not compete. The best scenario is when your circle naturally includes women and creates opportunities to meet more women, rather than treating dating as a totally separate, siloed mission.
Why is this important? For one, juggling two separate “lives” (one where you hang with dudes, another where you chase girls on dating apps) is exhausting and inefficient. Plus, women generally find a guy with a vibrant social life more attractive – it signals you’re likable and fun. So it pays to mix the two worlds.
How do you do this? Start by making sure the activities you choose aren’t male-only. We mentioned dance classes, co-ed sports, co-working spaces, etc. These naturally include women in the mix. When you become friends with a group that has both guys and girls, you might hit it off with someone or at least get introduced to her friends. Even activities like volunteer groups or language classes can connect you with women in a low-pressure way.
Another strategy: turn dating into group outings. Instead of the typical awkward one-on-one dinner with a Tinder match, invite her to something fun you’re doing with others. For example, if you and some friends are going to a weekend festival or a house party, say “Hey, I’m going to XYZ with some friends on Saturday, you should join us – it’ll be fun.” This does two things: (1) It shows her you’re social and have friends (attractive), and (2) it takes the pressure off the “date” and lets her see you in your element. If it goes well, great – you might spark something romantic. If not, no big deal – she met some of your friends, maybe becomes part of the wider circle, and you still had a good time. Compare that to a one-on-one date that fizzles – then you both just wasted an evening. Group hangouts are win-win.
Also, don’t be afraid to be friends with women even if you’re not dating them. A lot of guys overlook this. Maybe you go on a date and there’s no romantic spark – but she’s pretty cool as a person. Stay in touch platonically! She might invite you next time her friends go out, and boom – you meet more people (including other girls). Or maybe she becomes a good friend who adds a female perspective to your life. Having female friends in your circle makes social gatherings more balanced and frankly more enjoyable. It also naturally leads to meeting their friends and so forth.
One more tip: use your guy friends as wingmen in the social sense. If you and your new buddies host a party or go out together, encourage everyone to invite others, including any girls they know. This isn’t about being sleazy and luring women; it’s about creating a genuinely mixed social environment. The more the merrier. I’ve had times where a friend invited a girl he was dating to a group hang, she brought her roommate, and I ended up hitting it off with the roommate. Those serendipitous connections happen when you blend circles.
In short, think of your social life holistically. Friends, acquaintances, romantic interests – it’s all part of your network. Nurture it as one ecosystem. You’ll find that success in one area (making cool friends) feeds success in the other (meeting great women), and vice versa. It’s all just meeting and connecting with people, after all.
Jumpstart Your Social Life with Wingit
You’ve got the strategies—now give yourself an instant advantage. Wingit is built for guys in your exact situation: new city, no wingman, looking to meet like-minded people without starting from scratch.
Instead of rolling solo into a bar or meetup, Wingit connects you with others who are also down to go out, hit an event, or just grab a drink. No awkward small talk, no guesswork—everyone on the app is there to be social. You chat, see who you vibe with, and meet up for whatever sounds fun, whether it’s bar-hopping, watching a game, or hitting the gym.
Even one solid wingman makes a huge difference—you’ll feel more confident, meet more people, and grow your social circle naturally. One night out can lead to a whole network.
If you’re serious about making connections fast, Wingit helps you skip the struggle and start meeting people from day one. Try it out and see how quickly things fall into place.
In summary, moving to a new city doesn’t have to mean lonely nights and starting at ground zero socially. It’s actually a huge opportunity to reinvent and expand your social circle on your terms. Remember to put in the effort, say yes to invites, and keep an open mind. With the steps above, you’ll go from wondering “How do I meet anyone here?” to texting three different buddies about plans this weekend. Embrace the adventure – every friend was once a stranger, every great night out started with leaving your comfort zone. Now you have the blueprint (and some insider tips) to build the social life you want.
You got this, bro. Now go forth and turn that new city into your personal network! Cheers to new beginnings and new friendships.
